We all know Jimmy Joy is capable of a lot. Feeding us, saving us time, money, effort, and so forth. Still, it’s a product that’s designed to be used in prosperous times. Fun times, happy times. But what happens when shit hits the fan? Ya’ll know what I’m talking about: What happens when zombies attack?
Don’t panic. Even during a zombie apocalypse, Jimmy Joy has your back. Recent scientific research shows that our tasty products are remarkably effective in battle against our undead opponents. So, without further ado, here’s a summary of how Jimmy Joy might be able to save your life during a zombie invasion. Please read it very carefully, print it out in threefold and be sure to have a print in your bomb shelter at all times.
Stuff your fallout shelter with our Jimmy Joy
There are five keys elements that will help you survive a zombie raid on your bunker: oxygen, water, secure space, food and weaponry. A delicate balance between these things is essential because you never know how long you’ll be in there.This is the moment where Jimmy Joy comes in. A complete meal in the most compact form available to man an ideal space-saver for you bunker. Space in your shelter that might come in handy when you’re trying to stay in shape or work on your zombie-slaying-weaponry. Let's get to it.
Twenny bars hit hard
Common knowledge says the only way to effectively annihilate a zombie is to blow its brains into a million pieces. Unfortunately, we can’t help you with that. What we can do is recommend our Twennybar. A delicious bar that contains 20% of your daily needed vitamins and minerals. Incidentally, they can hit a zombie head pretty damn hard if you carefully pitch them at high speeds. Also good to know is that the story goes that zombies love eating Twennybars besides your brain - so act fast.
Lure them into a spiked pit
For the obvious reason, zombies love Jimmy Joy. This love can be used to their disadvantage by someone who, for example, wants to kill them all. Layout a track of our Plenny Shake luring them straight into a spiked pit you dug out during peaceful times. (Which we assume you did, since you’re a prepper, right? If not, good luck...)
Plenny Shake barricade bags
Bags of sand are hard to get for all those unfortunates who don’t live close to a D.I.Y. shop. Better have a shitload of Plenny Shakes laying around. After all, Jimmy Joy is widely known as the best edible barricade around. Mind you: we’re drawing from solid scientific research here.
Twenny bars save lives
Just a few minutes to spare between reloading your shotgun and the next batch of undead killers that come knocking at your shelter door. Meanwhile, your tummy growls. You’d like to whip up a Plenny Shake, but time doesn’t permit it. On the other hand, if you don’t eat something quick, you’ll be dead before the zombies even arrive. All of a sudden you realize you still have a Twennybar left in your fanny pack. You’d fall to your knees and thank the creator of this Twennybar, but there are zombies to be slaughtered. Thank us later.